Have you ever gone through so much grief in a short period of time and just felt like you weren't able to recoup? That's how I've been feeling the past month...
It started on January 12, 2022. What I thought was going to be just another day in the life of Michaela, ended in tears. I got home from work at my usual time of 7:30pm, and Jeremiah said, "your mom asked me to have you give her a call." Immediately, I knew something was wrong; my mom NEVER texted Jeremiah unless something was wrong. I asked him why, and he told me.
"They had to put Lilly down today..."
The 7 words that I didn't think I'd have to hear any time soon. The tears immediately fell down my cheeks, I couldn't bring myself to breathe properly, my heart sank; the pain that came with her loss was unlike any other I've felt before. Lilly, our family dog, had been my best friend since 2012, so how could she be gone? I just saw her the week prior, and she was playing, jumping around, being her normal self. My brain couldn't wrap around the fact that I would never see her again; she had always been there for me and now, suddenly, she wouldn't be.
Not even 2 weeks passed and we get another piece of devastating news -- my cousin passed away on Sunday, January 30, 2022. She was a year older than me, only 26 years old. She OD'd, and her twin sister was the one who found her. I couldn't imagine that type of pain, but now I know the pain of losing a close cousin. I didn't get to attend to funeral the following Thursday, as it was out of state and no one could come up with the funds in time. It hurts that I wasn't able to see her one final time, or be there with the family to say our goodbyes.
The morning that the funeral was scheduled, February 3rd, Jeremiah decided that our cat, Tippy, needed a vet visit. He wasn't looking too good the last few days. Tippy has always had frequent vet visits -- we were told that he had feline asthma and needed medications every few months. At this most recent visit, the vet informed Jeremiah that Tippy may have had cancer, and at the last visit, he was prescribed a medication to lessen the cancer; however, when it comes resurfaces, it comes back 10 times worse than before. Tippy was a real fighter, and he fought for so long. Jeremiah decided that the best course of action would be to ensure that he wasn't suffering any longer, and had him euthanized. It was harder on Jeremiah because he had Tippy before we got together, and I heard his sadness when he called me to tell me his decision.
Everything happened so fast in the last few weeks, I feel like I haven't had time to stop and grieve the passing of Lilly. I'm taking my time to be able to grieve and cope the way I need to, and I know it'll be a while before I feel even a little okay, I also know that it's okay to feel my feelings. I went to one of my therapy sessions the day after my cousin's death, and the first thing my therapist said was, "Michaela, it's okay to cry." So that's what I did. For more than half the session, I just cried. We didn't say anything, she didn't ask me any questions, she just let me cry. And that's okay.
Circles has really helped me with my grieving process as well. It's an online community that connects you with others who are going through similar situations as you, and help you work through it. Check it out if you're also in need of an outlet for your grief.
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